I had always heard of the Meet Rack, and all that can happen during your visit at the dusty dive bar. But never in my wildest, drunken dreams did I ever think I’d leave with a brand of God himself.
After a couple of hours, several beers, a couple mixed drinks, and a cheeseburger later, I was in the hot seat waiting to meet my maker.
Owner Jim “God” Anderson emerged from his living quarters in one corner of the bar to brand me like livestock. He even offered to grill up a burger for me. I’ve got to admit, the burger was actually appetizing.
Once the branding iron was fired up, God approached me with the glowing metal stick. With the small audience waiting to see the show, there was no turning back. I would soon have God’s face on my arm for good.
Before I could say “snap, crackle, and pop,” I felt the scorching branding iron melt my skin. Fortunately, my visit was documented. Enjoy.
I had heard rumors that if you were branded, you’d be excused from paying for any of your drinks for life. I was wrong. You actually receive a 20 percent discount if you’re confident enough to show your scar to the bartender upon arrival.
Now, I had never been branded before. I had no idea how to take care of such a wound, so my brand looks nothing like what it’s supposed to represent. It’s not a spitting image of God, but a blob I call a “Meet Rack brand.”
As you can imagine, I was shamed into going to the emergency room the next day to get myself checked out.
After about an hour in a hospital lobby, a tetanus shot, and giggles from the nurse, I checked out just fine. Honestly, the tetanus shot hurt more than the branding.
As far as visiting the Meet Rack, I recommend popping your head in because it’s one of those dive bars you must visit if you’re either living in Tucson or just passing through. Just ask the comedian, Zach Galifianakis, or the Terminator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The bar’s walls are covered with lights, undergarments, and artifacts that tell God’s story and all of the people that he’s met throughout his lifetime. He even appeared in an episode of the People’s Court because someone agreed to get branded on their skin, but instantly regretted it the next day. God won the case.
At least a thousand people have received the brand, so I’m not the only one who was so easily convinced to get the lifelong coupon. I even received a little card with a number that proves I was an unofficial member of the Meet Rack’s crew.
I have yet to visit the Meet Rack since my branding. My last visit literally scarred me for life, but it’s time to take advantage of the discount that’s been cauterized onto my arm.
The Meet Rack is located at 210 W. Drachman St. Keep up with the Meet Rack on Facebook.
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Article written by:
Matt Sterner
More about MattAt a very young age, Matt Sterner was gifted with the artistic ability to masterfully roll a burrito to the highest of standards, but the wrapped medley of delicious innards wasn’t his first love. Matt’s first true love was a combination of reading, writing, and creating. He grew up reading comics, the ingredients list of his shampoo and conditioner bottles, choose-your-own-adventure books, and the Scrabble dictionary — something he found useful when challenging his grandmother to a game.
He attended college at New Mexico State University and graduated with a degree in Digital Filmmaking. One of his favorite classes was screenwriting because he became responsible for the story’s birth before it came to life on-screen. After school, Matt took on numerous positions at a local television station in Tucson. From dealing out stories about heartbreak to producing “fluffier” content for a lifestyle broadcast, he learned what it takes to adapt to the many emotions the world of media can stir. Since 2017, Matt has dabbled in the culinary world of Tucson as well as San Diego, California from time to time.
If you’re in the mood for strange stories, head over to his pride and joy, wonkytimes.com. And in case you’re curious — yes, after all of this time, he still manages to roll a killer burrito.
